Why It Matters

I wish I could tell you by a stupid title matters so much to me. She’s right. Ten years from now, no one will care I was captain. I probably wouldn’t care either but if you live in the moment, it matters. It matters because I want to be able to be proud of myself. I know I’m absolutely capable of accomplishing every single thing that this title brings. How can I show someone why it matters if you’re not willing to watch? What do I tell someone who doesn’t want to listen? I can’t make them see me the way I see myself. I can’t make them see what my friends see in me. I can’t show them who I really am because they don’t want to. If they just take the time to really see me, they’d see someone satisfying. But since they don’t, I can’t change that. Mean? I don’t think that’s the right word for me. Judgmental? I don’t think it’s that either. It’s funny because I pretty much only think the best of everyone I know. I don’t have any hidden secrets or opinions about anyone. If I don’t like you, you’ll know. But sadly, not everyone is like that. Not everyone sees only the good in people. It’s funny because the people I admire most, the people I speak the best of, are the ones that speak the worst of me. I am who I am. I realize that if I don’t get this, I’ll still stand and cheer for this team I’ve given my all to. I’ll still stand and clap for the winners. Of course I want this but then again who doesn’t? I don’t want to question anyone’s abilities because you never know what others are capable but I want to sincerely ask these people to reconsider my position. I know they know what I’m perfectly capable of. I’m taking less APs and I dropped out of the election because I wanted captain more than anything else. I want to be happy. Of course I do. If I don’t get captain, I’ll go out there and do something that makes me happy for once then. I’ll start performing again. I’ll start doing things that’ll make a difference in my life. I’ve spent my past few years in high school trying to satisfy everyone, trying to please others. I’ve given up myself for these people. Do they know how much I love to sing? Dance? Perform? I bet not. You say these things about me because I stand strong. I stand for what I believe in. I dare to say that I don’t think a sophomore can handle being swim captain and all the classes they plan to take. I have character. I am my own person and if they don’t like it, I’ll get over it. I don’t want anyone to think that they have to vouch for me but remember, you seniors will not be here next year. Allow the rest of the team to decide. They’ll be the ones that have to deal with next year’s captain. Do you know how much I want this? I don’t do all these gifts and everything so I can get captain. I do it because I want them to look back and miss it. I don’t want them to regret anything. I don’t want to regret anything. I want them to be able to look at that gift and remember who they are. Where you go should not change who you are. These little things, gifts, memories and laughs are you. These things are your past, present and future. These are what last a lifetime. Do they simply not care anymore?