Another 10 months have passed and it is now 2013. I have had this blog for about four years now, and although I've failed with the upkeep, I think I might come back to blogspot. I'm free here. I can write with no inhibitions. There aren't a million people to judge me or my ideals. I can say what I want.. and in a way, that does scare me. I'm scared of what I'll admit. I'm scared of what I'll remember if I come back here.

I realize now that I don't always need someone to read these posts of mine, as long as I get what I need to say out there. As long as I'm able to relieve myself of the emotional implications that these secrets hold. I'm happier now. I'm relatively carefree.

Things have changed a lot. Henry and I have aired out our dirty laundry. I have, at least. I told him that I used to like him, told him it was one of those heavy crushes. He smiled at me and thought me sweet and silly. He told me I shouldn't have been afraid to lose him, which now that I think about it, probably meant that he liked me just a little too. Any other guy would have been awkward about it, I feel. After talking to Hannah about it, she's actually sort of right. He is a douchebag. He had a girlfriend then and I know for a fact he knew what he was doing.

And that's why he backed off back then. And now I remember.
I'm a little mindblown. You knew I liked you. Ethan talked to you about it. That's why you stood there and smiled at me that day at Ganache. You already knew but you pretended you didn't.

It's okay. It's fine. Now I understand. Now I know.

Anyways, in these past ten months, I started college and have begun to really discover myself. I know I'm not that great of a dancer but that comes with practice and time so maybe I will be better. But I just rediscovered my voice. I'm going to start singing again, I think. I started drinking... a little too much. Hahah, but I've grown out of the phase already. This is what people mean when they say I'm just a bit too mature. This phase usually lasts people much longer but I just don't really care for drinking anymore. Drinking and parties weren't ever really my scene to begin with, which is seems like this huge contradiction considering that I'm one of the most outgoing, bubbliest people you will ever meet in your lifetime. But that's okay with me. Because I prefer a quiet movie night over a blaring party. I prefer a long jam session over dirty dancing at a club. Sure, it'd be nice to go once in awhile but I just like down time.

I was once told that this blog was very selfish and centered around "me". I retorted that it was indeed my blog so I didn't know I was supposed to talk about other people instead but I did understand what he was talking about. I always thought about how I would feel. I was always selfish and thinking only of myself. But I have tried to focus more on other people. I did. It wasn't easy but I tried. It still isn't easy but I don't really mind. I gave up on it. I just want to write whatever pops into my head. I never really had a filter to begin so it doesn't matter much.

There's a letter I should be replying to, but I'm not ready yet. So I won't reply yet. I'm glad I found it though.