This is just like freshman year. I can't do this. I really can't. I don't feel that way about you but we have undeniable chemistry. We get along so well but my philosophy in life is that you don't turn back. I liked you once and that's it. It's not that I don't appreciate everything you do for me. You're amazing to me. You really are but I can't do this. I'm losing my mind right now. On top of that, she can be so judgmental. I don't know what's going through your head when I tell her every little thing. I do love her but she's so harsh on me. I'm a good person and I know it. I didn't think what I was doing was really that wrong. You don't think I wasn't thinking about him the entire time? The thing is, I never thought much of it because he and I had held hands before on the bus and nothing happened. It meant nothing to either of us. And every time after that meant nothing to us. Well, it meant nothing to me. I'm trying my best to be a good person but you make it so hard. Here are two guys who are doing so much for me. What the hell do you expect me to do?

Things aren't right at the moment but I'll make them right. I don't know what else to do. It feels like summer and 7th grade all over again. It feels like Kip and Dang. It feels like KVD and JJG and BJL. Enemies aren't my thing and I don't want this to be awkward between us because he's just too good of a friend to lose.