Sadie Hawkins

To be honest, this past month has been one of the longest. It was insanely stressful and overly dramatic. Hearts were broken and unnecessary things were said and done. And it was all too much for one stupid dance. I felt like I went for both the right and wrong reasons. I went for Adonnis. I wanted to be with her during her first high school dance. But I also, for some odd reason, felt like it was mandatory to bring a date. On one hand, it's sad to go to Sadies alone, but then again it just proves you're strong if you go without one. And I suppose I didn't feel strong enough. However independent I may think I am, obviously some part of me is still rather dependent. Honestly, high school is so overrated. I don't understand how one person could hate another because of something a third person said. Some things that have been said have either been misinterpreted or miscommunicated. The drama that has occurred over the past few weeks has made me realize how absolutely insane this all is. In ten years from now, we won't remember who said what, or who hated who. In ten years, we'll be too busy with our real lives, not this mad house we call high school. I believe that 'living in the moment' is right and wrong at the same time. For one, we shouldn't be so caught up in something that might or might not matter in time. And it's also right because you should want to make memories.

High school brings me to the subject of labels and reputations. Although I've said that I have wanted to try out for a social club, I now remember why I didn't want to do it in the first place. Because being in a social club isn't the sort of thing I normally do. It puts a label on you. There are suddenly these expectations about you. People are going to judge you no matter what, and they may put a label on you, but never put one on yourself. I also almost despise compliments on the things I do or create. I feel like if I do well, I suddenly always have to do well. But that's never the case. Sometimes we happen to have very off days, and can't duplicate what we've done before. If it's a comment on a physical feature, I tend to not worry so much. But if it's how I did during a swim meet or a piece of artwork I created, I feel pressured to have to do well the next time I have to do something.

I believe that all this is irrelevant to my title. And it is irrelevant. So back on topic. I believe that Sadies has torn good friends apart. I find it so hard to write this blog post because I feel like there's an expectation. Nothing I write is of importance to anyone besides myself. That is because this blog is more of a memoir rather than something for the world to discover. This blog is an insight into the things that go through my mind each and every day.

It is simply impossible to write this blog post because I'm using my head rather than using my heart. I shall write another time.