100th Post

This is my 100th post. 100. That's a lot. However I wouldn't exactly consider this 100 considering that half of my posts are 3 sentences or less. But since I'm not down in the dumps today, I feel like I should fill everyone in on everything that has happened.

I fell for a guy named Teal at school. He's tall, a basketball player, and he's smart. In my opinion, that's hard to come by. But on top of that, he was in like with someone else, and he was quite inconsiderate. I'm 80% over this person. Perhaps it's more than 80. All I know is it doesn't hurt as much anymore. It doesn't matter as much anymore. I love being a high schooler. Things blow over in a week or two. In the real world? I highly doubt it. High school's a drag though. It's a bunch of bullshit. There's so much stupid drama. Things said and done are always misinterpreted. High school girls always over-think things. Life isn't as complicated as you think.

To be honest, I've no inspiration for this 100th post. The only thing I can say is that I'm very grateful for my friends. I love them oh so much. Annie and Leeann. Wizard and Alien. Jie and Adonnis. They're just such amazing people. People whom I know will always love me and forgive me for all the stupid things that I do. There's no words for the love that I feel for them. It can not be measured by gifts and material things. It can only be measured by hardships, happiness and laughter. They deserve so much more. They deserve so much happiness. They'll go to the end of the earth for their closest friends. And for me to ever doubt them is the dumbest thing I could ever do. Because they'll shine light on my darkest moments regardless of anything. I'm grateful to have friends like these. The memories we have made are things to be recorded because 10 years from now, I want to remember all the things we've done. I want to remember all the things they've done for me and the very little I've done for them. So that I can remember to repay them for the love they have shared. Thank you my loves. I simply can't say it enough. You guys mean the world to me. Without you, I'd be nowhere.

If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere.

That is the quote my friend put up as his status on Facebook. It has a very good philosophy. Things that are too easy won't help you in a long run. Lately, I've been thinking about my future. I've been thinking about the things that have been happening now. Every time I come across a problem, I ask myself this. In ten years, will it matter? It applies to the people I surround myself with as well. In ten years from now, will they still be the ones I'm spilling my story to? It makes sense to think this way. 


Lately, I've become more and more forgetful. It worries me. I'm not normally like this. It makes me afraid to forget my close friends. It makes me worry that I'll forget my memories. I finally understand how Jie felt when she heard the news from the doctor that one day. I'm afraid of forgetting my memories. Why? Because those memories make me who I am. They create us as people. It doesn't necessarily define who we are. But it's a part of the process of becoming our perfect selves. We have to remember all the bad, the good and the mediocre. If we do, in the end we'll have the best. This is the most I've written in a long time. These are all the things that go through my mind but I tend to forget at times.

I haven't talked to Teal in days. I deleted his number from my phone this morning. I didn't even blink. I just knew I had to do it. But I forgot to delete my Oovoo request to him. But now, I don't to delete it. I blocked him on AIM a few days ago. There's still that little part of me that's hoping that he'll perhaps message me. But then again, he could've done it on Facebook. And he hasn't. So I must not matter to him.

I'm growing tired of all this. I feel like I'm annoying the crap out of my friends because of him. That's not something I like to do. It grows old. And Teal. This whole situation is growing old.

The post that Annie wrote for me was so beautiful. She understood. She took notice. Everything in that poem, is everything I am. She was able to read between the lines. She said all the things I was afraid to say. She said all the things I already knew about myself as a person. And for that, I thank her. Leeann as well. She tries her best to make me smile and that's all I could ever ask of her. To hold me when I'm sad and laugh along with me. She's one of the most amazing people I know.

We were talking about best friends last night. She isn't too happy with Mouse at the moment. I can understand that. He's supposedly her best friend and he's done nothing to be a 'best friend' to her. But there are a few things you have to remember. The term 'best friend' is just .. a term. It's a label, a nickname. If you two are as close as you say you are, then there are no need for labels. For example, Jie and I are best friends. We're past that. But we don't need to tell the world. We just are. That's what matters. You don't have to prove anything to the world. You don't have to prove anything to anyone. If you know the truth and you're happy, then what does it matter? What does it all matter? Because in time, no one will remember what you fought over. You have to realize what's real, what's not, and what matters.

You can call anyone your best friend. But it doesn't mean they know you as well as some do. It doesn't mean they're the one you want to tell everything to. They could be your 'best friend' and not be the first person you go to when you're upset. You just have to realize ...


Currently obsessed with: Mulan Star - Jane Zhang