Her Doubts

I had quite an interesting day.
Starting from last night, Yellow texted me out of the blue. I was so .. surprised. But then I remembered that I had "let him go." Which means he'd come back sooner or later. Although I've said that I won't let him back in, I did. Well I wouldn't quite say that I've let him back in. Why? Because I've kept him at a distance. I've told him little about what I'm thinking, feeling, or doing. I was very cold to him last night. Do I regret it? Slightly, but I know I had to do it .

Then today, I got out early from practice because I had to study for my trigonometry quiz. I swear, I'm freaking out inside. It's not that I don't know my material. It's that I'm a bit iffy on it. I was talking to Jie on the way to Tap today and we talked about everything. It was nice to talk to her again. I haven't talked to her over the past few days. I love talking to her because we think the same way. I finish her thoughts, and vice versa. It's just easy. On our way to Tap, I ran into Grey. We looked at each other, but didn't say a thing. It sucked. We left Tap at around 4:30 and we went our separate ways. I walked back to the park alone and I was freaking out the entire time. Every time someone Hispanic walked by, I thought they were going to kidnap me. I even felt that way about an innocent old lady. I thought she was going to pull out a gun. Yeah, I'm extremely paranoid. I went to the library and practically everyone was there. Andrew, Orange, Ricky, Seiji, Serena, New York, Robert, Jenny, Jimmy, and other people. I sat around and talked to everyone. Oh I miss getting out early. I love talking to those guys. Orange walked me back to park!<3 What a gentlemen. (He complained that I never write about him.) He opened the tennis gate for me.. because I was trying to open the wrong end. It was nice. Grey and Green were there. Grey waved to me and said hello, which I found mighty awkward. I was shell-shocked. I didn't know what to do, so I whispered hi. A completely inaudible hi. I said hello to Green and he made a perverted face. Oh how I miss my buddy Green. (: My mom showed up after a little bit.

I texted Orange to tell him about Grey.
Then I texted Grey to say hi, and bye.
I was texting Westley at the time, and it was depressing. He was acting a bit mean, and I couldn't figure out why. Then he told me that he was having problems with his girlfriend. Apparently, she thought he was flirting with me. I don't see Westley that way, and it sucks because this isn't the first time it's happened. It has happened with Lee too. Lee is one of my best friends and he had this one girlfriend that was so damn jealous all the time. He bought me this swimmer necklace this one time, and she smashed it with a damn hammer. He stood up for me but I was upset. I love Lee. Well Westley didn't quite do the same. Instead, he's taking a break from talking to me. It's unfair but I understand.

I'm texting Yellow again.. Not at this moment but I was earlier. He's busy at the moment. I know Adonnis is going to be upset with me for giving in. I hate it. I always always always give in. I really should learn to be stronger.

Orange, my dear, you need an attitude adjustment. You were very disrespectful to Mr. H the other day. You shouldn't have done that. I love you and all, but you really shouldn't have done that. You can be nicer than that. I know it. I won't make your situation public but you know what I'm talking about.

You know what sucks? I almost feel as if Jie's doubts were right. Her doubts about Yellow. Even if his letters had made those doubts disappear, I feel as if.. she was right. I wish she wasn't.