Like A Stab In The Heart

This upcoming post has nothing to do with the title. The title has to do with something else that I won't be writing about.

A couple days ago, I read something Jie had written and it said that she was fighting with her sister. At first I thought she meant some of things that we had said during dryland. It turns out Adonnis had told her some things that I told Adonnis in confidence. I never expected Jie to find out. After knowing Jie for so long, out of all people, she should be the one to know that if I had something to tell her, if something was bugging me, I'd tell her when I was ready. I'm not mad at Adonnis for what happened, for telling. She didn't know. But what's funny is, I didn't even know we were fighting. The thing is I'm wondering why I'm the one feeling like crap when I didn't do anything wrong. I'm not afraid to confront her. I just want to do it on my own time. I don't expect her to find out from other people. I haven't been wanting to go to practice. I love polo, but I'm just sick of all this drama. There's so much drama in polo. It's not worth it. We're a team and yet we're so .. separated. The thing is I know I should talk to Jie but I also know that we are the most stubborn people on earth. I expect her to talk to me, and I know she expects me to talk to her. But I'm not giving in. I don't understand why she's upset with how I feel. It's my true feelings, and yet she's upset with me about it? Cause that makes perfect sense every time. I'm not mad, I'm just slightly annoyed that she doesn't know me better. After 5 years... Haha. You think you know someone..

It's not that I don't understand that she has other things going on in her life. We all do. But it's that after knowing her for so long, she should know me. And it hurts. It does. If it was any other person upset at me, I wouldn't care. But Jie's not any other person. She's her. She's been there since Boyfriend #1. She's been there when my parents decided to get divorced. She was there when I fell in love for the very first time. She was there threw everything. She remembers all those details but she doesn't remember the one thing I say most. Let's just let things pan out and see how it goes.


Waiting for Yellow's letter..