I'll Be Singing Our Song Until You Return.

I must've been crazy to think I'd be fine after he left. I must've been high or something when I wrote my last post. I just realized 10 million other things that could go wrong. I was stupid to think I'd be fine. He left today, and I'm losing it. I've yet to accept the fact that he's gone. It still hasn't hit me yet, but it's getting there. Everytime I hear "Come Back to Me" by Utada Hikaru, it just reminds me of how he's not here. I spent a few hours on the phone with him last night. He sat outside his house in the cold to talk to me. He refused to talk inside because he didn't want to wake anyone. He walked around the park. We played truth or dare. It was a highlight. It was absolutely hilarious. He refused to do half the dares I came up with. Eventually, he agreed to do one of them. It was 12 AM and he was alone in his car. He opened his car door and screamed. Needless to say, it made me laugh. He asked me when was the last time I cried. I said last week. He asked why. I said because of you. He was suddenly alarmed. We stopped playing after awhile. Eventually I gave in and skyped with him. We fell asleep together.

I had to do my homework in the kitchen today because I was getting distracted by my laptop. I kept checking, kept thinking. I plugged my ears with my Ipod and focused. I didn't have much homework. I finished in about 20 minutes.

You know what I'm afraid of?

I'm afraid that he won't be the same person when he returns.

I'm afraid that I won't be the same person when he returns.

I'm afraid I'll forget about him.

I'm afraid I'll stop caring.

I'm afraid of looking back on this and sounding stupid even though I know I do.
I'm afraid he won't keep his promise.

I'm afraid he'll forget about me.

I'm afraid that he's making a promise he can't keep.

I'm afraid that I won't be able to focus because he's not here.

I'm afraid of waiting.

I'm afraid of e v e r y t h i n g.

I had a family gathering today. It was nice. I have relatives from New Mexico (or was it Arizona?) in my driveway. They drove here in their trailer. They're very nice people. They're my step grandmother's younger sister & husband.

I have school tomorrow. Life goes on without you here, even though I want you to be.

I'll be waiting for the first of many. Come back to me in tact and soon. x3

Currently Listening to: Come Back to Me;; Utada Hikaru