I can feel myself falling for you, but I have yet to decide whether or not it is out of convenience. When I presented my problem to Jie, she asked me a very good question. She asked me if I liked him for who he is or if I liked him out of convenience because he's there. I have yet to decide. In a way, I do like him but at the same time, maybe it is out of convenience. I'm afraid to admit that part of it might be out of convenience. I'm afraid of realizing I don't like him. I'm afraid of admitting it because that would mean I have no one else in my life. And you all know I don't mean it that way. I hope no one asks me about this. (Leeann.) I'm not interested in talking about this in person. I'm sorry. I know you care and I do love you but I just don't want to talk about this. I only want to write about it.

I know he's a flirt. I know he has a girlfriend. I know. I also know that I won't do anything about it. I won't ever tell him. I know that he and his girlfriend don't seem to click. I've met her and conversed with her. I see it. I know. But don't worry too much about me because I don't plan on doing anything about it. I don't plan on pursuing it. I don't miss him when he's not here. I don't have an urge to text him when he stops replying. I don't want to see his face 24/7 but I'm comfortable with him. I'm comfortable being with him when my face is completely bare, when my face is extremely red after playing hard during polo, when my hair's tied up and all he sees is me. I'm comfortable being around him in just my swimsuit like yesterday. I'm comfortable around him. That's something different. But then again, that's what I always say. "It's different this time."

I'm not so sure it's different this time. I'll be careful.