I'm In Pain

I'm trying to pick up the pieces, but it gets harder and harder everyday. Sometimes I feel like no one's listening. The people who know me best, are busy thinking about other things and they don't hear the messages underneath my words. People who I thought knew me better than that. I'm starting to feel small in this big world. Nothing's going right and a blank stare tends to take over me. I thought I was over him, but then he walked past me and suddenly, things are back to the way they were. It's not fun. I don't want him around. I don't want him in my head or heart. I really can't stand it anymore. It's causing me to become disoriented. I hate it. I really do. I hate it. 


I'm starting to become really forgetful. I can't remember things that Adonnis and I talk about sometimes. I can't remember if certain objects were there in the morning. I'm not sure if I was always like this or if it's just getting worse. All I know is, I can't remember anything. And Lazy helps me remember. 






I don't know how much more of this hurt I can handle. 
You may perceive me as strong. But obviously not strong enough. 
My heart is breaking. 
I thought I could control it this time. 
But I can't. 
This crush can't compare to Green. 
But it hurts just as much. But I see Green as an excuse. 


Edit: I think I've held it in for a bit too long. I think I've held back all my emotions for a bit too long. I've tried a bit too hard. I've bottled everything in and now it's exploding. I'm breaking.