Queen Of Babble

You know what's funny? She's not the only one that feels that way. I do too. I'm just less vocal about it. Because I'm afraid of burdening you. However, it doesn't matter. I received another letter from Yellow yesterday and I wanted to slap myself because I had yet to write back because I've been so busy. With school, practice and keeping it all together.

I presented my world history project today. I worked on it all night and I still didn't get all the videos that were meant to be in it. I was disappointed but I did what I could with what I had. Then during the presentation, the speakers wouldn't work so that upset me too. Because we had some seriously funny parts that people couldn't even hear. That was disappointing. I felt like all my hard work went to waste. Sleeping at 3 AM went to waste. After all that we got a B on it. After so many difficulties. The thing is, I can't expect Ms. H to know all the things that went wrong. So I guess the grade was fair. I wish our project was better planned.

There's only two more days of school. When it's all over, will it still be you and me? Or will it die? I can't help from thinking that this is simply a summer friendship. When school ends, I'll have time for dramas. For reading. For writing. When it's over, I'm going to miss the amazing new friends I've made. The things that could've been. The thing is that I regret not getting to know them sooner. I hate when I get to know a person near the end of a school year or whatever it may be. I feel like I'm going to lose them if I don't keep in contact with them.

Something I just realized is that I officially feel like I had a reputation to live up to for this blog. What happened to writing what I feel? What happened to this being about what I want? After Grey told me that he liked my blog for it's emotion, I feel more and more self conscious about this blog. I feel as if it has to be perfect or it has to be emotional. Why do I keep feeling like I have to live up to this criteria or this image? I don't want to have to keep up an image. That's not who I am. There's so much I can't say because of who reads this blog. There's so much I feel but can't write down because I'm afraid.

Yellow and I have a song. I'm listening to it right now. I remember when I'd IM him with a random beginning of a Taylor Swift song, and he'd reply with the next line. I wish he was here. I wish he knew everything without my having to tell him. I wish he hadn't left. Because if he hadn't, none of this would be happening. He would be all that I needed.

I should start working on my homework.

Currently listening: You Belong With Me - Taylor Swift

我希望。。 從今天起，我不需要你。

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