With The Passing of a Genius

Much has happened in the past few days. Michael Jackon, King of Pop, has passed away at the age of 50 on the 25th of June. It makes me cry because I grew up listening to Michael Jackson. At a young age, my parents taught me to love great music. He was, in my eyes, an amazing musical genius. His melodious voice, and amazing dance moves. His influence and the inspiration he has brought to so many artists and so many people will live on forever. I honestly believe that he has been taken away from us way too early. But since what has happened cannot be changed, the only thing we can do is mourn and remember him for the amazing musical legency he has left behind. And to be honest, I don't believe in that bullcrap about him molesting kids. I don't believe that he did it. I honestly don't. He was a shy man that didn't like to be in the eye of the media but he was. He was always under close speculation and horrible rumors were always made up about him. Here's my message to the media: get a damn life. Leave him alone. R.I.P. Michael Jackon 1958 - 2009. Your spirit lives on.

Aside from that, I started summer league for water polo on Thursday. We won. But after the game, we had practice. Donna, Red, and I rode with Sam. It was fun because Donna and I were exceptionally loud and we played random music. Sam's my water polo coach. I was so extremely happy to know he listened to Jay Chou. I love Jay Chou.

That night, I received my very first letter from Yellow. I was ecstatic. It was unbelievable. I had begun to lose faith in him, but he kept his promise. It just made everything seem a little better. I wanted to cry when I saw it in the mail. But I didn't. I immediately wrote him back, but didn't send it until today. It had four pages of entries and a reply. The fifth page was pictures of all that has happened since he's been gone. I miss him so much. But I'm happy for him. This is what he wants. I told him everything from choir banquet, to summer school, to MJ's death.

Yesterday, Lisa, Jie and I had to show up to help with the fundraiser because the people who were scheduled to work did not show up. Sam IMed me and was complaining so I immediately called up as many people as I could. Only Lisa, Jie and I showed up. What was worse was that some people pretended that they didn't know it was their shift. On top of that, Jie, the newbies, and I were the only ones who showed up to practice. Sam was extremely mad because no one had told him they weren't coming except for Thunder, Lisa, and Hippo. Sam said that if we didn't get people to practice, we were going to die during practice. Jie and I called as many people as possible and luckily, people showed up.

However, that wasn't what was on my mind. Before practice, Jie and I hit Tapioca Express. We talked about many things. Including Pink. She told me some things that stung. It was like an arrow through my heart. Pink had come up with the conclusion that I like him. What's worse is that I noticed a change. He had called Goh about it, but he had also said that he did have fun with me. He had good memories with me. I wanted to cry when she told me. Jie and Goh always fight because of my situation with Pink. It's not their battle to fight. It's my own. I know what I'm doing. I'm aware of the age difference. I'm aware of so much, but they don't realize it. I'm not a mature, grown up woman but I'm mature and grown up enough to know what's right, wrong, up, down and such. Don't fight my battle for me. What made me upset was not just because Pink had 'figured' it out. It was that he couldn't come to me about it. He couldn't keep things normal. That day I had decided to talk to him about it face to face. But it seems he was afraid. He wasn't on yesterday and he barely on got just now. But I do not want to talk to him until he comes to me about it. If he shows up at my house, so be it. I'll just ignore him. Perhaps I don't matter enough for him to care. But for some reason, I feel betrayed.

Because of what happened, I looked to Yellow's letter for comfort. I had not cried the whole day. But when I thought about how Yellow was gone, I did. Because I realized that if he had not left, none of this would have happened. If he was still here, I wouldn't have gone back to Pink. My proposed perfect summer is not becoming what I want it to be. But I don't mind. Because I know I'll live.

I talked to Vince today. He left yesterday. I did not get a chance to see him before he left. I expected four years of high school with him after he had left in 5th grade to attend another elementary school. We talked about some things. I really miss him. So much. But I cannot be selfish as to be angry with what has happened. At this point, I have realized that there are many things I must put into perspective. I cannot be selfish as to think for only myself, as to be angry with someone who has much worse things going on in their life, like Vince. I was angry with him when he did not tell me he was moving, but he had said that he was the one moving. And he was right. I'm not the one moving. And for me to be angry was extremely selfish but it was also an impulse sort of thing. Vince has inspired me. Or perhaps, just simply reminded me. He has reminded me that there will always be a better tomorrow, you just have to get through today. For that, I am grateful.

There are many things that I have to selfless about. There are many things I have to learn about life. Letting go being one of them. As well as speaking calmly, and rationally. There is much for me to learn, and as my days go on, I will. I'm positive I will. But until then..