The date on this should be the 2nd.

"Someone from your past will trigger weird feelings today, but they'll pass soon."



That was my horoscope from the day before. Oh the irony.



Anyway, yesterday was a pretty okay day. Uneventful. I wasn't tired although I slept at 2. The lack of sleep caught up with me today. I haven't swam in four days and I feel gross. I didn't swim yesterday because my brother and mother had business to attend to. I didn't swim today because I had to go back to school for detention. I told my mom I had choir rehearsal. When I got to school, my teacher wasn't in the room I was supposed to go. I tried searching for her in Estrada's. But I actually don't know where Estrada's is. I ran into Jasmine, her ignorant boyfriend, and a few other friends. I was extremely pissed off. I ran into my buddy Jimmy as well as Orange. Now I have to deal with that b*tch*ss of a mandarin teacher tomorrow. I didn't know what I was going to do for an hour so I asked Orange to go wait somewhere and play cards with me.

At first we walked to the weight room, but it was closed, so we walked back to the other side of campus. We ran into Green, some A[S] people, and a few other Green's friends. We started playing Big 2 because I had my outrageously cute pink cards (; I started playing with Richard at a few other people at first because Green and Orange were paying no attention to me whatsoever. Eventually, they came over as Richard left. Green sat down next to me. Orange sat across from me. Green didn't play with us. He had his head down the whole time, and he was crying. I wouldn't say it was crying as much as tearing up. I knew something was wrong after 5th period. He was acting funny. He's an extremely reserved person so it was pretty pointless to ask what was wrong. He has never opened up to me, and I suppose it doesn't matter much anymore. I've learned to move on, but there's still some kind of hold there.

Green stole my sister's Ipod for awhile. I've been listening to Taylor Swift's album Fearless for the past few days and I've yet to grow old of it. He kept holding onto the earphone when I was about to leave. My mom called and I was supposed to walk outside but he wouldn't let go! Oh well.

Today in second when I walked in, my choir teacher calls me over and says "Beverly I'm disappointed in you because you didn't try out for A[S]. You would've had so much fun. You would've thrived." He was disappointed me as well as two other girls. I guess it's understandable, but it also made me very upset because the thing is he believed in me. I really love choir, and I would love to be in A[S], but I simply don't have time. He knows I have swim & water polo. I wish I could do both, but I want to excel in both as well. And doing both doesn't permit me to do that. I've been thinking about it all day. The fact that my choir teacher wanted me in there. Maybe one day.

It's also that I've been thinking about giving up singing. It's no doubt that I love it, but I've lost confidence in my voice. I know I'm better than some people, but it's not enough. I feel as if I'm never good enough. Choir has taught me so much about singing, life, and the world. The world is a large place, and life is a short thing. This is only the beginning. I believe that giving up something you love is the worst thing you could ever do to yourself. I must be an idiot because I'm almost willing to give it up. We'll say what happens.

I received three papers about English Honors today in third period. There were required books that I have to read before school starts, and I really don't want to do it. I'm sick of school. I can't wait for it to be over! Only 8 more days !! I just need a break.

As for Yellow..
I wish our time wasn't growing shorter with each day. I want to spend a whole night just talking to him on the phone. That's all. Nothing special. Just a little something before he leaves. I never realized how much I would need him. He helps me focus on my schoolwork when I won't do it. He's one of the few people who yell at me when I don't do it. The difference is.. that when he goes off, I'll have to wait 2 days for a reply as opposed to 2 minutes (mostly less than that). It's a big transition and I don't know if I can do it. But I can't be selfish. I have to let him live his life.

In a few years, we'll both be off doing our own thing. He'll be in the marines or perhaps he'll be back. I'll have college to look forward to. I don't know if I want to wait. I don't know if he's worth it.

I was looking back at our old conversations last night. And some of it was hilarious. It was.. cute. (: I like looking back at old conversations. I like to see what has changed and what hasn't. It's refreshing I suppose.

I have a lot of work to get done. I shouldn't be blogging.


Currently Listening To: Shin Hye Sung - Because Of You.