Pepsi

Everytime I talk to Sags, we talk about Grey. We talk about the way he pretty much just walked out of our lives. I tell her everyday that she should not care. That he's not worth it. But then I remember this past summer. He was a good friend. I haven't heard the sound of his voice in a very long time. I haven't heard him whine about his life in awhile. I haven't talked to him since school started. Am I sad? I shouldn't be. I should be able to take my own advice. But then I saw that picture. That picture of BestFriend, Orange, and Grey. And suddenly all the memories came rushing back to me. I remember the movie. I remember how I jumped. I remember how they laughed at me. I remember everything. I remember how we went to T-Mobile to look at the phone that Orange wanted. I remember trying to call my brother. I remember making Orange's plate for Great Khan's. I remember meeting BestFriend at Border's. I miss BestFriend. I miss Orange. And I miss Grey. Though I wish I didn't. I know Sags misses the friend he once was. I do too. But time moves forward. I can't keep dwelling on the past. We all have to grow up and move on sometime. But tonight, I just want to be a kid and remember my past. I just want to stay where I am.

It's unbelievable how afraid of the future I am. I don't know what I'll become. I don't know who I'll be. What kind of mother will I be? What kind of friend will I be? Will Jie, Kor Jie, Adonnis and Lily still be by my side? Will I like the same kind of music? I guess I'm afraid of losing myself. Time's moving too quickly.

I haven't spoken to Orange in a long time. We drifted apart. We used to be pretty good friends. I used to tell him everything. But every time I see him now, I have nothing to say to him. I don't know what to say to him.  I hate how I seem to drift from people. It's a habit.

I hardly blog anymore. There's not much to say. There's no need to say anything.

Hypocrite at my best, vulnerable at my worst.